Good grief, if there is such a thing, should be wrapped up in the sweetest memories of our loved ones who have passed on, like the pineapple upside down cake, sweet potato pies and biscuits with honey my grandma used to make.
But sadly, those biscuits and other cherished recipes all died when Grandma Dee took her last breath at the age of 96. My children will never know the sweet taste of her pie or the savory comfort of her hot buttered biscuits. I guess we were so focused on enjoying the food and one another’s company during the family cookouts while I was growing up, that nobody ever thought to write any recipes down, let alone the stories being shared as we broke bread.
I never thought about what a huge loss this would be to me and the younger generations in my family when Grandma Dee passed away a few years ago. Born in 1919 on a farm in the rural town of Pine Hill, Alabama, I can imagine that—wrapped up in all of the delicious food she learned to make—there was also a story of heart and hardship. Culinary comfort was probably one of the few things that could bring a young Black girl the freedom of joy during that time, which was the height of the Jim Crow era.
With August being family reunion season, I can’t help but think about the wealth of knowledge that is now gone forever. In the words of Cher, “If I could turn back time! If I could find a way!”
If I could turn back time, I would not have let the biscuit recipe die with Grandma Dee. Same for the pies, and the cakes, and the stories she used to tell us. Just as I, like many ambitious millennials, am working to build generational wealth by setting things up for the future in an orderly fashion, I would also have worked to build and organize a wealth of knowledge to pass on from one generation to the next while Grandma Dee was still living.
If I could find a way, I would sit my grandma down and get her to show me ‘the way.’ Just like the Karate Kid, I’d make her show me how to ‘wax on and wax off’ until our family history was firmly cemented into a written form, organized in a way that is accessible in person, online and any time in the future.
But the reality is that those savory biscuits and sweet pies my grandma used to make are long gone. At best, they will remain sweet memories that bubble up each year during summer cookout season until that last grandchild to have tasted her food has passed on.
But letting treasured traditions fade into history doesn’t have to be your family’s destiny. Since I can’t turn back time, the only way I can find to keep those memories alive is to write, and to encourage others to do the same. So I urge you to not let the biscuit recipe die with grandma, at the next family reunion or cookout you attend with your family! Write it down, and record the stories that go along with them. You’ll thank me later and, not only savor the flavor a little more, you’ll also savor the memories for years to come.
