“You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will & won’t accept.”~Anna Taylor
I’ve learned that some people out there will genuinely want to see us do good, they will want to see us shine, they want to see us succeed, as long as we’re not doing better than them. Keep this in mind when you’re working on your glow-up and glow anyways! Our mistakes don’t define us, neither do the opinions of others. Focus on working on you, for you, because you are worth it, babe.
Not everybody’s going to be rooting for you, not everybody’s gonna be happy for you, not many people are going to believe in you or believe for you. And that’s one of the consequences of our past actions; people haven’t seen us do better, so they don’t think we can do better. There will even be people who will act like they’re rooting for you, but in the back of their minds, they’re waiting for your downfall, just to be able to say, “I told you so, I knew you wouldn’t be able to do it.” Did you know that to this day, there are authority figures (using that term VERY LOOSELY) in my town who have nothing better to do than to closely watch my social media accounts and speculate? They continuously try to slander my name because of my past actions, and in response, I glow anyways. The way I see it is, if Jesus isn’t holding my past against me, why should anyone else be able to? People will always talk; that’s what they do; my advice to you is to glow anyways!
Some people are gonna treat us better and see us in a different light; they’re going to stand in the gap, cheering us on believing in us, especially when we do not believe in ourselves. These are our people, and they’re more important than you may think. They have extended us a lot of grace, so try to keep an open mind and reciprocate it towards them. After all, they have seen us at our absolute worst and somehow still manage to love us unconditionally.
The downside of this group of people is that these are sometimes the people who enabled our past behaviors, and these are also the people we will have the most challenging time setting personal boundaries with. This is one of the reasons why we dug deep in our season of singleness and got to know ourselves better; we must understand how we operate before we can deal with others. Of course, it’s natural for them to worry; there will be times when they will show us a bit of skepticism; they have every right to feel the way they feel. The funny thing about feelings, though, is that they aren’t facts; keep this in mind when you begin setting boundaries.
Here a few signs that your personal boundaries need to be strengthened:
- Old traumas triggered
- Inability to say no
- Energetically drained
- Inappropriate guilt
If your relationship had a lot of qualities of a co-dependent one, beware that you’re not quilt tripped or manipulated into conforming just to please them. If your toxicity is fed off of one another’s, make sure you can identify those toxic behaviors; and act accordingly. We don’t have to be sucked up into unhealthy cycles with anyone because we have a history with them. Your past isn’t a life sentence; it’s a lesson; it’s ok to love them from a distance, don’t feel bad if you have to walk away to save yourself. One of the hardest things that I had to do while working on my glow-up has been cutting ties with people who have held special places in my heart for years. If you find yourself in similar situations, remember you’re working on yourself for yourself; and glow anyways.
Doing the “right thing” comes naturally to some people. Unfortunately, it hasn’t always been the case for this girl right here. I’m no stranger to doing the “wrong thing,” and I have a rap sheet to prove it; yet here I am because of my mistakes. It is because of the mistakes that I came to know grace, His grace. Honey, we’re not here today because of everything we’ve done right; we are here in spite of everything we’ve done wrong. Wow, what a thought! Do me a favor and never wonder to yourself, “What if I would’ve done everything right” instead, thank the universe for the lessons and glow anyways.
Don’t forget to stop by next week, to see what the Lord has laid on my heart to share with ya’ll!