I candidly shared a blog topic I was thinking of writing about with my boss, mentor, and friend, then told her I wouldn’t share it yet. I didn’t want to stir the waters and stir up any more crap. So I decided to wait! For fear of ruffling feathers, I was denying myself the right to speak my truth. Who am I, and why am I silencing myself or thinking I must walk on eggshells? If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, these are things we’re conditioned to do over time.
Then I thought, “WAIT!” That’s not the Glow Girl way. We speak our truth, take accountability for our actions, and lift one another up. By not sharing some of my experiences, I feel like I’d be doing other people who might be in a toxic relationship a disservice. I said I wasn’t talking about it yet and then changed my mind. So, here we go…
Ignored the Flags
Looking back at the past two years, I’m in awe of all the red flags I overlooked out of pure ignorance and having an empathic heart. I just got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist, and the first flag I ignored was him telling me, “I don’t stay single for long.” Narcissists have grandiose visions of themselves. This man was trying to reiterate his greatness by operating as if he were a real “catch.” But, I extended him grace because I, too, have said things without considering how they might come across to others.
Some of the more memorable tactics this monster of a man used were love bombing and, my favorite, the smear campaign. I’ve had three relationships that ended ugly, and when they ended, I reflected on each one. From there, I learned what to bring into my next relationship, what I needed to work on and leave behind, what were acceptable behaviors, and what were deal breakers. In those relationships, all parties involved were not clean or sober. So, when I began working on my recovery, I assumed that the common denominator was the lack of sobriety and mental clarity.
I didn’t account for any type of mental illness, personality disorders, past traumas, generational curses, spiritual wounds, or internal struggles that either party may have been dealing with. There’s a duality to a narcissist’s personality. They mask themselves into whomever they need to be seen as while slowly exposing their true colors exclusively to you. You’ll feel stumped at first when dealing with a covert narcissist because they present themselves as great people in public. When things go south, and you turn to family and friends, they might not believe you because they have only been shown an act. This happened to me, and it was so frustrating. (7 Types Of Narcissistic Traits And Tendencies)
Time to Go
Thank God that I know my worth and made the decision to plan my departure in June when he threw an empty beer bottle at me while I was sitting on the patio with my back turned to him because I asked him not to sign out of the YouTube app on my device. This angered him. This was not the Prince Charming I thought I fell in love with. He was a monster, and at that moment, I officially checked out and did what I had to do to bide my time until I could get myself and all of my things out of his house.
I’ve known this man for nearly 20 years, and for the most part, I’ve always been a pretty good judge of character. I am not the type who will judge someone on their past relationships or try to dig up dirt on others. Maybe it’s because I don’t necessarily have a squeaky clean past and because I know that people can change and turn it around in my life, which is a testament to that. I overlooked that change is a two-way street. People can change for the worse just as quickly as they can change for the better…that was a flaw in my thinking – talk about dropping the ball, right?
Here’s a relationship riddle that I didn’t see coming: what started with a love bomb and ended with a smear campaign? My last relationship. This man sold me a dream and delivered a nightmare. Please stay tuned as I share more of that journey in a future blog post. Maybe you can relate, or had a similar experience, too. I do have one more thing to share before I wrap up, sis: just because a person exhibits a narcissistic trait, it doesn’t mean they have the personality disorder. I’m not a doctor or specialist. I’m just a girl with a story to share.
💋 NR (follow me on Facebook & Instagram)
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Past Mental Health Faves
